I’m always so happy and everyone expects that and sometimes I just want to be sad. I just want to quit putting up that front that everyone sees and be upset. For once in my life I want to tell someone how I actually feel without the fear of rejection and hurting them…
I’m not sure how I feel.
She’s a few years older than me and already has 4 kids. There was no way she could support another child, especially when she’d be supporting it on her own.
When she found out she was pregnant, the last thing she wanted to have was an abortion. Her mind changed somewhere along the way and she had no one to take her. I would never leave my friend in that situation so I told her I would take her. I’m sure it’ll get around that I took her and people will hate me.
When we got there, there were protesters… Several people who tried to give us pamphlets, literature, words of advice and one young woman who even said “I’ll take your baby!” A woman who was probably 21 said that, who probably couldn’t support a child either and had no business saying such a thing…
When we got past the security, it really hit me. The aura of that place… It just hit me really weird. Some women looked relieved, others scared, some crying…
No one is allowed to take their phone in the facility which left me with almost nothing to do and it was the longest 5 hours of my life.
I am a social person and I talked to several people. One girl was still in high school, getting an excuse for gym class… Her father brought her and is hiding it from her mother and step-mother. Another girl has had two other abortions, making today’s her third. When they finally took my friend back, a woman and what I assume to be her husband came in (They were both wearing rings) and she looked so upset. I just wanted to go over and hug her… I wanted to tell her that everything was okay.
They had a book for women, as well as men, to write down their stories. I read both books and some of the stories were so upsetting… And I cried.
One girl was 17 with an 18 year old boyfriend and they had to go to court to fight an abortion. She wanted to have a baby, and he didn’t. In the end, she lost… She had an abortion.
I just got so emotional I started sobbing and cried over the pages… I’m sure I wasn’t the first, and I won’t be the last.
When all was said and done, we left… Returned home, and life resumed as normal. Or it was supposed to.
As of the last time I checked with her, she’s doing okay. I’m so thankful for her health and that she’s okay.
I still don’t know how I feel about abortion. I do know that I never want to set foot in another clinic as long as I live.
When I’m alone I reflect back on my life. When I reflect back, I think about all the mistakes I’ve made, and continue to make. I don’t want to deal with the problems I know exist; so I run. I run away from all of my problems by staying busy and working so much. I don’t want to admit that anything is wrong and I’ll do anything to keep it that way.
Too much of today has been spent reflecting back…
I know what I should do; I just don’t know that I want to. I guess that’s life; doing things you should but don’t want to.